tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26771837213095271732024-03-05T18:12:36.682-08:00Split DecisionAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-26351648833426123272013-03-20T10:30:00.001-07:002013-03-20T10:30:01.544-07:00SPLIT DECISION: Parker says Pope won’t impact Catholics’ daily lives<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s320/la+split.jpg" width="227" /></a></div>
<br />
By L.A. PARKER<br />
<a href="mailto:laparker@trentonian.com">laparker@trentonian.com</a><br />
So, a coworker told me the other day: “Hey, there’s one thing I won’t talk about at work.”<br />
A pause preceded his answer.<br />
“Religion.”<br />
If you can’t talk about religion at work, then it’s really not worth having the discussion anywhere else. A discussion about the Mets starting rotation or how bad the Yankees will be this season could cause a ruckus.<br />
Religion and this week’s topic regarding the significance of Pope Francis, formerly known as Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, seems tame enough.<br />
Truthfully, I did not understand the hysteria regarding a new pope, although it’s pretty cool the way they use white smoke regarding a successor.<br />
I don’t understand how one person impacts your ordinary Catholic’s life. He sounded wonderfully interested in helping the poor, but does his generosity translate to Catholics opening their wallets?<br />
Should Trenton’s Catholic Diocese expect a windfall based on Pope Francis’ philanthropic direction?<br />
A report detailed that Cardinal Bergoglio once used public transportation instead of a chauffeured limousine, cooked his own meals, stayed not in the bishop’s palace but in an apartment.<br />
I don’t know if it’s possible to do Pope on the cheap, so to speak.<br />
At some point, Pope Francis will speak on abortion, same-sex marriage, or contraception. His positions as an archbishop on these subjects are already known, but once spoken, will his thoughts change behavior, convince Catholics to spare contraception in place of a spoiled child.<br />
“We should commit ourselves to ‘eucharistic coherence,’ that is, we should be conscious that people cannot receive holy communion and at the same time act or speak against the commandments, in particular when abortion, euthanasia, and other serious crimes against life and family are facilitated. The responsibility applies particularly to legislators, governors and health professionals,” Bergoglio communicated in 2007.<br />
A CNN survey alleged that 75 percent of polled Catholics said they will more likely make their own decisions on moral questions than to follow Pope Francis’ teachings.<br />
Hmmmmm. Sounds as if Catholics move toward an establishment of their own beliefs, a situation that exists in many other religious circles.<br />
Essentially, Catholics celebrated a new leader but commit toward a self indulgent path for their lives.<br />
If religion continues to conform to human behavior rather than maintain order, especially regarding Christ’s teachings, then this world will yield to destruction.<br />
So, is Pope Francis relevantly important? Only if Catholics follow his lead. Which appears doubtful. Then no.<br />
— L.A. Parker is a Trentonian columnist. He can be reached at <a href="mailto:laparker@trentonian.com">laparker@trentonian.com</a>.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-77165218594403690102013-03-20T10:30:00.000-07:002013-03-20T10:30:00.914-07:00SPLIT DECISION: Edelstein says the Pope still matters<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" width="295" /></a></div>
<br />
By JEFF EDELSTEIN<br />
<a href="mailto:jedelstein@trentonian.com">jedelstein@trentonian.com</a><br />
I’m just naive enough to believe. Not in matters of faith, but in matters of the here and now.<br />
And that’s why I’m just naive enough to believe the Pope still matters in this fractured age, just naive to believe one man can move a billion (or more) to be better people, just naive enough to believe Pope Francis matters.<br />
Of course — has to be said — Jews and Catholics don’t have the best historical record, but I’m not concerned about the past. The past doesn’t get the benefit of being seen through my naive glasses. But the here and now? I’m down, baby. And I think given the right set of circumstances — and the right Pope — a better world is within reach.<br />
The Pope, in short, can matter. A lot. After all, there are 1.2 billion Catholics in the world. We’re talking nearly 20 percent of all humanity. And the Pope is in charge. To use the parlance of our times, he’s da man. As the Pope goes, so goes the religion.<br />
And Pope Francis seems to be going the right way.<br />
“How I would like a church,” he said last week, “that is poor and is for the poor.”<br />
He’s already walking the walk — literally — as he’s eschewed his predecessor’s red shoes for some old black shoes, doesn’t seem interested in wearing anything but a simple crucifix, and his headgear is of the pared-down aesthetic.<br />
He’s the Pope, unplugged.<br />
And so this where the Pope matters. He matters because he has the earthly power to try and make the world a better place. When you’ve got 1.2 billion people behind you, a lot of good can come of that.<br />
And yes, the Catholic Church has many scars and open wounds right now, and I’m not attempting to sweep any of that under the rug.<br />
All I’m saying is at the right place and right time, the Pope can wield an impressive amount of power. And a truly humble Pope, a Pope who is one of the people, a Pope who genuinely seems concerned with the state of day-to-day affairs of the common man? Well, that’s a power I can get behind.<br />
At least I’m naive enough to believe so.<br />
— Read Jeff Edelstein every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at <a href="mailto:jedelstein@trentonian.com">jedelstein@trentonian.com</a>, <a href="http://facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein">facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein</a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/jeffedelstein">twitter.com/jeffedelstein</a>.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-40090701903758078072013-03-14T13:10:00.000-07:002013-03-14T13:10:05.106-07:00Who won this week's Split Decision?<iframe src='http://embed.scribblelive.com/Embed/v5.aspx?Id=88888&ThemeId=9819' width='550' height='600' frameborder='0' style='border: 1px solid #000'></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-25743566607028906752013-03-13T15:18:00.001-07:002013-03-13T15:18:49.809-07:00SPLIT DECISION: Mrs. Christie's Hurricane Sandy charity<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
In this weekly feature, found first in the print edition of The Trentonian every Wednesday, our two heavyweight columnists, L.A. Parker and Jeff Edelstein will square off against one another, with dueling columns on the same topic.<br />
<br />
In the lead-up to each Split Decision, our writers agree on a topic then head off to their respective corners to pen their pieces. Then, each Wednesday, you'll get two unique takes on the same subject.<br />
<br />
In this round of Split Decision, L.A. and Jeff stake out their positions on the situation that's arisen around Gov. Chris Christie's wife's charity for victims of Hurricane Sandy.<br />
<br />
Check out <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-parker-says-no-more-mary.html">L.A.'s piece here</a> and take a look at <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-edelstein-says-back-off.html">Jeff's over here</a>, and tomorrow we'll be launching a poll to see who you thought had the right idea on the subject.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-34072777207558117802013-03-13T15:15:00.000-07:002013-03-14T03:28:06.271-07:00SPLIT DECISION: Edelstein says back off of Mary Pat on Sandy relief<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" /></a><br />
By JEFF EDELSTEIN<br />
jedelstein@trentonian.com<br />
Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the Jersey Shore isn’t being rebuilt in a single season.<br />
It’s going to take years for the Superstorm Sandy-ravaged land to once again resemble what it once was, years for the victims of Sandy to recapture their lives on the once-idyllic coastline.<br />
This is not a slam-bang project.<br />
Money and support for the rebuilding project is needed now, tomorrow and well into the future.<br />
And that’s why I think anyone who has issue with Mary Pat Christie’s Hurricane Sandy New Jersey Relief Fund should just take a step back.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
She’s under fire for failing to donate dime one of over $32 million she’s collected. Of course, her husband, Gov. Chris Christie, gave Congress and FEMA a good tongue lashing last year for doing the same thing, namely withholding money to those who need it.<br />
But comparing Mary Pat Christie’s charity to Congressional spending is like comparing me to Mark Twain: In short, ridiculous.<br />
Most of all because in the original press release announcing her role in the chair of the fund, it was spelled out that this charity was not going for the quick hit. “While New Jersey remains in the initial stages of recovery,” it read, “helping New Jerseyans return as close to normalcy as quickly as possible, recovering from the devastation of Sandy will take much more time, resources, and assistance to families who need it.”<br />
It’s going to take time, and in an interview last weekend with the Asbury Park Press, Mary Pat Christie echoed the sentiment and more. “I have taken excruciating steps to make sure that we give the money out in a really judicious way,” she told the paper. “You want accountability, you get accountability when you go through a methodical structure, so in three years when I’m still distributing money at Hurricane Sandy Relief, ask me if we’re doing enough.”<br />
Her charity is a small piece of the puzzle. Probably a good idea at least one organization is looking toward the future. Let the governor worry about the here and now, and let people like Mary Pat Christie worry about the later.<br />
— Read Jeff Edelstein every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at jedelstein@trentonian.com, facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein and twitter.com/jeffedelstein.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-44645788289184977762013-03-13T15:13:00.000-07:002013-03-14T03:28:19.387-07:00SPLIT DECISION: Parker says no more Mary ‘Standing’ Pat<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s320/la+split.jpg" /></a><br />
By L.A. PARKER<br />
laparker@trentonian.com<br />
Gov. Chris Christie reminds me a lot of my father.<br />
No nonsense, Straight shooter. Bully.<br />
Willie Lee Parker had a strong-arm approach to life as leader of his Winslow family household: “Do as I say, not as I do.”<br />
So, it’s not surprising to see Gov. Christie doublecross on this dustup regarding delay in disbursing $32 million in donations to victims of Hurricane Sandy from a charity run by his wife.<br />
First, this is the governor’s wife. I like the fact that he defends and supports his family. More husbands should follow Mr. Christie’s lead on being there when family members need rescue from a print journalist’s enlightening report.<br />
<a name='more'></a><br />
I get the governor’s spin, but it’s difficult to understand how not one penny of $32 million had not been awarded to the hundreds of thousands affected by this superstorm. It’s been four months but Mary “Standing Pat” Christie holds onto every dime collected from her Hurricane Sandy New Jersey Relief Fund.<br />
Charity funds will serve as financial fillers between repair bills and insurance payouts.<br />
Mrs. Christie explained that the delay in distribution of funds stemmed from her “methodical” toward ensurance that monies found the hands of reputable nonprofit groups.<br />
“I have taken excruciating steps to make sure that we give the money out in a really judicious way,” Mary Pat Christie told the Asbury Park Press.<br />
But two months ago, Gov. Christie blasted Congress after lawmakers failed to pass legislation for Hurricane Sandy relief.<br />
Remember, Christie smacked Congress with “disgraceful” and “disgusting” tags after 60 days passed before a $60.4 billion bill passed for Sandy relief victims in New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and other Eastern seaboard states.<br />
Some lawmakers alleged that the bill contained some significant pork barrel initiatives.<br />
“There’s only one group to blame for the continued suffering of these innocent victims: The House majority and their speaker John Boehner,” Christie alleged.<br />
The funding got done and Christie took a small step back from his original accusations.<br />
More than 120 days have passed since Mary Pat Christie gained charge of her charity.<br />
“I’m really proud of the job she’s done and the professionalism she’s brought to the job,” Christie said Monday. “The fact that they’re being careful with people’s money is something that’s laudible.”<br />
True. But those dollars delivered via federal coffers are also the “people’s money.”<br />
Mr. Christie attempts to have life both ways here, especially with his allegation that his wife’s charity was never meant to provide immediate relief.<br />
We move toward a Clintonian reference with a question regarding what the defintion of “immediate” is?<br />
Nothing like semantics to erase egg from a spouse’s face.<br />
This failure to launch funding will be remedied this week when Mary Pat Christie releases $1 million in grants. Reports said she will distribute $5 million over the next several weeks.<br />
Finally, Ms. Christie kicks out dollars like a malfunctining Atlantic City casino slot machine.<br />
Better later than never.<br />
A lot sooner would have been better.<br />
— L.A. Parker is a Trentonian columnist. Reach him at laparker@Trentonian.com<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-63987775389899732092013-03-12T14:54:00.003-07:002013-03-12T14:54:48.454-07:00Split Decision: A Look aheadTomorrow will see the coming of another Split Decision day.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
Trentonian columnists L.A. Parker and Jeff Edelstein will face off in seperate columns on the same subject. You can find it first in our print edition Wednesday morning, and we'll have it here later in the day.<br />
So what will they be writing about this week?<br />
This time out they're taking on the topic of the snafu surrounding Gov. Chris Christie's wife's charity for victims of Hurricane Sandy.<br />
What will their takes on the subject be? Check it out in the Trentonian or right here on our Split Decision page.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-37246012226092451132013-03-11T06:34:00.001-07:002013-03-11T06:34:49.819-07:00And the winner is... L.A. ParkerThe winner of our latest Split Decision poll? L.A. Parker!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR3MK2gKjFpWZqb6TqAj3M2L5I8tZqdRlCFlq7iZLjq4v1dGXWv7U-e3r-zzX15Wc96ZAUXrkswQk9QQra_kgjkmdLx2d-NnY7Gosc6lgzlzNIXk_oOX4eJrkmGXJZfWvLtaYd1K6n3v4/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR3MK2gKjFpWZqb6TqAj3M2L5I8tZqdRlCFlq7iZLjq4v1dGXWv7U-e3r-zzX15Wc96ZAUXrkswQk9QQra_kgjkmdLx2d-NnY7Gosc6lgzlzNIXk_oOX4eJrkmGXJZfWvLtaYd1K6n3v4/s320/la+split.jpg" /></a><br />
L.A. Parker took away 80 percent of the vote in this week's poll, asking our readers which column they preferred about how and when to talk to kids about sex.<br />
Better luck next time Jeff!<br />
You can take another look at <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-parker-says-tell-kids.html">L.A.'s winning column here</a>.<br />
Stay tuned right here tomorrow, when we'll announce the next topic for our two writers to tackle.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-42991255174819891362013-03-08T12:00:00.000-08:002013-03-08T12:00:02.826-08:00Missed Split Decision? No problem<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
If you missed this week's Split Decision, have no fear, here it is all together in one place!<br />
<br />
This week's topic dealt with how and when to talk to kids about sex. You can <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-parker-says-tell-kids.html">check out L.A.'s take on the subject here</a>, and <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-edelstein-says-educate.html">see Jeff's opinion on it over here</a>.<br />
<br />
We're also running a poll, allowing you to voice your opinion on who you thought had the right idea on the subject. Take a look at the columns, then <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/who-won-how-to-talk-to-kids-about-sex.html">make your pick here</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-44038745595810899502013-03-07T14:15:00.002-08:002013-03-07T14:15:27.960-08:00Who won? How to talk to kids about sex<iframe src='http://embed.scribblelive.com/Embed/v5.aspx?Id=87609&ThemeId=9819' width='550' height='600' frameborder='0' style='border: 1px solid #000'></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-41884177729830737242013-03-06T10:14:00.000-08:002013-03-06T10:14:18.282-08:00Split Decision: When and how to talk to kids about sexWelcome to Split Decision!<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
In this weekly feature, found first in the print edition of The Trentonian every Wednesday, our two heavyweight columnists, L.A. Parker and Jeff Edelstein will square off against one another, with dueling columns on the same topic.<br />
<br />
In the lead-up to each Split Decision, our writers agree on a topic then head off to their respective corners to pen their pieces. Then, each Wednesday, you'll get two unique takes on the same subject.<br />
<br />
In this round of Split Decision, L.A. and Jeff stake out their positions on when and how to talk to kids about sex.<br />
Check out <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-edelstein-says-educate.html">Jeff's piece here</a> and <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/03/split-decision-parker-says-tell-kids.html">L.A.'s column here</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-72522469263636234522013-03-06T10:09:00.001-08:002013-03-06T10:09:58.169-08:00SPLIT DECISION: Parker says tell kids about sex in plain terms<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s320/la+split.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
By L.A. PARKER<br />
<br />
This week’s topic produced a conversation with a co-worker about sex talk and kids.<br />
She made the ultimate confession.<br />
“We call our (5-year-old) daughter’s private area her ‘HooHoo,’” she said.<br />
Mind you, not to be confused with “WooHoo!,” a celebratory expression used by a close friend about every good occurrence in her life.<br />
The last mistake we need is a grown woman’s “WooHoo” being confused with “HooHoo.” Or even “YooHoo” for that matter.<br />
Some women in South Ward bars advertise their “HooHoos.”<br />
And please, don’t associate “HooHoo” with any of the good people living in “Whoville.”<br />
One can imagine that rhyme.<br />
“All the grownups in Whoville, loved sex a lot. Indulged in their trysts with Jack Daniels and pot.”<br />
“But the Grinch, who lived nearby despised such a thing, he understood penis but not ding-a-ling.”<br />
(See Chuck Berry, 1972 “My Ding-a-ling)<br />
OK, so I’m not Dr. Seuss.<br />
But you see where I’m headed with this. If our society expects to claim any normalcy we better reference our private parts with universal names.<br />
By the way, a website reported more than 250 words Americans use in place of “penis.” It’s partner of interest “vagina” racked up a similar count, sort of like George Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words times 40.<br />
Knowledge of sex and how the body works provides children with important information that enlightens and protects.<br />
It’s all age appropriate though. I think that a child is more than ready for correct anatomical names by the time they are 3. By then, hopefully, you have not given a “Mr. Wilkins” title or “Land Down Under” to any private area.<br />
Another co-worker said he has always referred to “testicles” as onions.<br />
“I tell my son, you have to protect those onions,” he admitted.<br />
Wait a minute. Does that mean that onions can switch places with testicles? Can you imagine the child’s upset when his father orders a South Philly cheesesteak with fried onions?<br />
That boy will need about five years of psychiatric treatment to avoid some kind of emotional reaction whenever anyone orders onions.<br />
If your child never asks about sex, then at some point, you need to broach the subject.<br />
My mother had birthed 10 children by the time I was 11 years old. Until then, I knew only that babies were showing up at a rapid pace.<br />
My teens offered another challenge. I didn’t understand any of the secret coding being used by teenaged girls.<br />
“My Aunt Flo is in town,” one might say.<br />
“Oh, yeah. Where’s she from?”<br />
The classic menstruation story (every male just winced) occurred at about age seven.<br />
My mom handed me a note to carry to the small town market on Main St.<br />
I slipped the note onto the counter then waited as the clerk disappeared behind a curtain.<br />
Very clandestine stuff. He returned with a brown paper bag.<br />
I met a friend on a nearby lot. We took the box out of the bag and tossed it around like a football.<br />
I headed home, flipped the box into the air as I raced past town people.<br />
My mom nearly fainted as I walked into the house with an exposed box of tampons.<br />
Sonny Jurgensen had passed for a touchdown to Pete Retzlaff. Went deep again for a score to Tommy McDonald with a sanitary product.<br />
The New York Football Giants created the “Tampon Two” defense following the Eagles aerial assault.<br />
Bottom line, teach kids about sex, their bodies, safety, and make every word sound wonderfully natural.<br />
Down the road you can talk about contraception, STDS, etc.<br />
Enjoy and celebrate when this is all over.<br />
I hear the Whoville residents love to party.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-79531392263718429002013-03-06T10:06:00.001-08:002013-03-06T10:06:28.360-08:00SPLIT DECISION: Edelstein says educate kids about sex in the schools<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
By JEFF EDELSTEIN<br />
<br />
A video cassette recorder and a video cassette. <br />
That’s how my dad explained sex to me.<br />
And no, he didn’t show me grainy recording of some 1950s sex-ed film. <br />
Nor did he pop in a bootlegged copy of “Debbie Does Dallas.” What he did, precisely, was demonstrate how humans have sex by using the VCR as the feminine and the video cassette as the masculine.<br />
Go ahead. Take a moment. I understand.<br />
I got this talk probably around 10 or 12 or somewhere in there, and I can assure you, despite my father’s best intentions, the VCR lesson wasn’t exactly a rousing success when it came to explaining the birds and the bees to me.<br />
By the time I got to 7th grade, the school system began teaching me about sex. Now, I don’t mean to disparage gym teachers, as I’ve found virtually all of them in my schooling life to be most pleasant human beings, but really: They should not have been teaching me about sex. <br />
It’s a miracle I’m not still a virgin.<br />
Gym teachers still teach sex-ed, right? Who made this original decision? <br />
I’ll tell you who it wasn’t: Someone with any sense. Really, teaching about sex is pretty important, and we’re leaving it to people who … well, who are gym teachers. Again, nothing against gym teachers, I swear, but it just seems odd.<br />
You ask me? There should be legit professionals in the classrooms with our kids, and it should start at an early age. How early? Well, I’ll leave that to the sex ed professionals. The whole mystery of sex — which, let’s not forget, is right up there with “eat food” and “find shelter” as far as biological imperatives go — should not be so mysterious. In fact, the earlier and less mysterious we make sex to our kids, the less chance they’ll end up doing something stupid, like get pregnant or get someone else pregnant. <br />
(So to be clear: Abstinence education? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!)<br />
I have a boy and a girl. He’s 3, she’s 2. So I don’t yet speak from experience. But when the time comes, I want them to have a solid knowledge base when it comes to sex so they don’t go off into the wild, all wily-nily with their wilys and their nillys all geared up for something they’re just plain stupid about.<br />
— Jeff Edelstein can be reached at <a href="http://facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein">facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein</a> and <a href="http://twitter.com/jeffedelstein">twitter.com/jeffedelstein</a>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-9754323146809775902013-03-01T08:52:00.000-08:002013-03-01T08:52:04.999-08:00What's that? You missed Split Decision? No problem!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
If you missed this week's Split Decision, have no fear, here it is all together in one place!<br />
<br />
This week's topic was the debate over whether immigrants to the U.S. should be expected to learn and speak English.<br />
Take a look at what <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/jeff-edelstein-language-should-not-be.html">Jeff Edelstein had to say</a> on the topic here, and read <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/la-parker-we-all-need-to-speak-same.html">L.A. Parker's opinion here</a>.<br />
<br />
We're also running a poll, allowing you to voice your opinion on who you thought had the right idea on the subject. Take a look at the columns, then <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/split-decision-week-2-who-won.html">make your pick here</a>.<br />
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-44194057968135372862013-02-28T08:57:00.000-08:002013-02-28T08:57:56.478-08:00Split Decision Week 2 - Who won?<iframe src='http://embed.scribblelive.com/Embed/v5.aspx?Id=86272&ThemeId=9819' width='550' height='600' frameborder='0' style='border: 1px solid #000'></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-65952367156954742092013-02-27T10:24:00.002-08:002013-02-27T10:24:19.722-08:00Split Decision: Should immigrants be made to speak English?Welcome to Split Decision!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
In this weekly feature, found first in the print edition of The Trentonian every Wednesday, our two heavyweight columnists, L.A. Parker and Jeff Edelstein will square off against one another, with dueling columns on the same topic.<br />
<br />
In the lead-up to each Split Decision, our writers agree on a topic then head off to their respective corners to pen their pieces. Then, each Wednesday, you'll get two unique takes on the same subject.<br />
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In this second round of Split Decision, L.A. and Jeff take opposing positions on the question of whether immigrants to the United States should be made to learn and speak English. Check out <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/la-parker-we-all-need-to-speak-same.html">L.A.'s take on the subject here</a>, and <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/jeff-edelstein-language-should-not-be.html">Jeff's here</a>, and decide which column you agree with more.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-23828830235872097222013-02-27T10:18:00.001-08:002013-02-27T10:18:17.528-08:00L.A. Parker: We all need to speak the same language<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s320/la+split.jpg" /></a><br />
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Almost 15 years ago, a girlfriend and I visited Paris for 10 days.<br />
<br />
We stayed in a Princeton artist’s apartment situated in a section known as “Rive Gauche” — or “Left Bank”.<br />
<br />
The area had previously welcomed Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Jean Paul-Sartre and Henri Matisse, dynamic contributors to arts, literature and philosophy.<br />
<br />
Anyway, this American in Paris could hardly speak a word of French while the eventual ex-girlfriend had mastered the language of romance.<br />
<br />
My French speaking resembled Pepe Le Pew, while hers sizzled like the radioactivity of Poland-born but Paris-educated Madame Marie Curie.<br />
<br />
Franc-ly, I could not buy a baguette without fumbling over myself. She, on the other hand, whisked us without a hitch from café to Montmartre.<br />
<br />
In other words, understanding a country’s primary language made for easy transition.<br />
<br />
Immigrants, especially from Spanish speaking countries, should understand that by learning English, they can get from here to there, or de aqui para alla, with fewer challenges.<br />
<br />
I got all excited about making blueberry pancakes yesterday morning until noticing that there were instructions written in both English and Spanish on the Aunt Jemima box. This is getting worse than Christmas creep.<br />
<br />
My welcome mat has been rolled out for all immigrants whether they originate from Poland, Ecuador, Russia, Liberia, Costa Rica, etc.<br />
<br />
This is not a request to relinquish their history, customs, food, music, not even their native language but the “King’s English” is essentially, well, king.<br />
<br />
Usually, second generations lose touch with their native language but there is encouragement here for every immigrant to remain connected to their country’s language. Never lose touch with those historical components that establish your diversity in these United States.<br />
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In less than a year, approximately 11 million predominantly Spanish-speaking immigrants along with a significant number of Europeans will be offered a pathway toward citizenship.<br />
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Immigration will change the face of America. But even the influx of millions will not alter our need to speak one common language.<br />
<br />
Immigration must lead to assimilation.<br />
<br />
Don’t give me that “in time things will change” argument. Current immigration events arrive supremely different than when immigrants landed on Ellis Island.<br />
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Technology allows our current immigrant population to listen to radio, television, text, and read newspapers in their home country’s language.<br />
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By the way, this might be a good time for American-born citizens to learn English, plus, a second language.<br />
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We continue to drown in a vocabulary laced with “dis,” “dat” and “duh.”<br />
<br />
If I hear one more person say “axe” instead of “ask”, you may hear a request for their deportation.<br />
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Finally, forget all the prompts about hearing or understanding this response in another language.<br />
<br />
You don’t get to press “1” for Spanish. Or, “2” for Polish. None of that.<br />
<br />
If you need a translation — English 101 awaits.<br />
<br />
— L.A. Parker is a Trentonian columnist. Reach him at laparker@Trentonian.com.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-5309526811409017342013-02-27T10:13:00.003-08:002013-02-27T10:14:25.281-08:00Jeff Edelstein: Language should not be a barrier<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" /></a><br />
Listen: Unless you’re name is John Wandering Wolf Who Fishes in Clear Stream or something, you’ve got a pretty flimsy leg to stand on when it comes to all manner of discussion when it comes to immigration.<br />
<br />
I mean really: How did you get here? Someone in your family immigrated here. (Big and obvious exception: Unless your relatives came over by force in the slave trade. Subject for another day.) <br />
<br />
But if someone in your family came to America by choice, there’s a pretty good chance that person didn’t speak English when they arrived on our shores.<br />
<br />
While I don’t know for sure, I’m pretty positive three of my four grandparents didn’t speak the language when they arrived, and I’m almost certain none of their parents — my great-grandparents — spokeuh da English when they came to America.<br />
<br />
But they learned. You kind of have to if you want to “make it” in America.<br />
<br />
And isn’t that why anyone comes to this country? To make it?<br />
<br />
From the 1600’s to Ellis Island to today, America offers opportunity out the wazoo. So much opportunity, people were — are — risking death to come here. <br />
<br />
(Slightly off-topic: I don’t understand people who hate the idea of immigrants sneaking into America. I mean, these are people willing to belly crawl through a desert for days on end to get here and work and make a better life for themselves. Isn’t that what we want in America? Hard working people who want to make a better life?)<br />
<br />
To make “speaking English” a mandatory hurdle prior to immigrating to America — or for just living in America — just doesn’t make sense. Once here, believe me, immigrants want to learn how to speak the language. And the best way to learn any language is to simply be immersed in it.<br />
<br />
Besides, this argument may be past-due anyway. Google Translate, anyone? <br />
No such thing as not being able to speak the language as long as you’ve got a wifi connection.<br />
<br />
Read Jeff Edelstein every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at jedelstein@trentonian.com, facebook.com/jeffreyedelstein and twitter.com/jeffedelstein.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-38430495781704571282013-02-25T06:54:00.001-08:002013-02-25T06:54:56.060-08:00And the winner is...Jeff Edelstein!The winner of our first ever Split Decision match-up, as decided by our readers, is Jeff Edelstein!<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" /></a><br />
Our new Split Decision feature pits Jeff against L.A. Parker in a columnist duel every Wednesday.<br />
<a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/search/label/Split%20Decision%20Redux?max-results=100">This week</a>, both writers penned columns about people using their cell phones in public, and a vote was held, asking readers which they preferred.<br />
Stay tuned for more from Split Decision, including more columns, more polls and more ways for you to get involved.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-4147308166459751722013-02-22T13:00:00.004-08:002013-03-01T08:33:25.528-08:00Miss Split Decision's debut? No problem, we're here for you<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
If you missed this Wednesday's debut of Split Decision, where Jeff Edelstein and L.A. Parker square off in a columnists duel, have no fear, you can check it out here anytime on our Split Decision blog.<br />
<br />
Check out Jeff's take on cell phone use in public <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/edelstein-likes-his-phone-but-not-yours.html">here</a>, and see L.A.'s take on the subject <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/parker-doesnt-mind-chatter-just-keep-it.html">over here</a>.<br />
<br />
We're also running a poll to see which columnist you favored this week <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/split-decision-on-cell-phones-who-won.html">here</a>.<br />
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Be sure to check in next week as well, as we bring you even more Split Decision coverage.<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-9472927374999691232013-02-21T11:06:00.000-08:002013-02-21T11:06:58.785-08:00Split Decision on cell phones: Who won?<iframe src='http://embed.scribblelive.com/Embed/v5.aspx?Id=84952&ThemeId=9819' width='550' height='600' frameborder='0' style='border: 1px solid #000'></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-76078117257252501082013-02-20T11:18:00.001-08:002013-02-20T12:38:38.790-08:00Split Decision: L.A. Parker Vs. Jeff Edelstein, round 1<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s1600/split+decision.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmtTdt2dTcfW0JM6WcaQN26qZtqzkrhWbJI5Q2EDYs6Rrs1BXyh9PkMZtF8OxokVvkDqmfBtoGIpbzrnPM50YrYElN-5T-ee0ulhJXPCav6F6mvXzmiIRXQhd-UL1H3eDHm5ysdp6Touk/s320/split+decision.jpg" /></a><br />
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Welcome to Split Decision!<br />
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In this weekly feature, found first in the print edition of The Trentonian every Wednesday, our two heavyweight columnists, L.A. Parker and Jeff Edelstein will square off against one another, with dueling columns on the same topic.<br />
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In the lead-up to each Tuesday, our writer agree on a topic then head off to their respective corners to pen their pieces. Then, each Wednesday, you'll get two unique takes on the same subject.<br />
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In our first take on this new feature, the guys settle on the topic of cell phone use in public.<br />
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In L.A.'s piece, he recounts an episode of <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/parker-doesnt-mind-chatter-just-keep-it.html">public phone sex</a> he overheard in a grocery store, while Jeff explains why <a href="http://splitdecisiontrentonian.blogspot.com/2013/02/edelstein-likes-his-phone-but-not-yours.html">no one should be allowed to use their phones in public</a>...except him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-7033150188939692862013-02-20T11:08:00.000-08:002013-02-20T11:08:29.712-08:00Parker doesn’t mind the chatter, just keep it clean<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s1600/la+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6KQLaa4n3EC29XKDWXQKmh6auIZHu_KP1v1suMMWAn_u3oG73tHouA9F5hfUJpX0OtxLWlvv9cRXJJRQ0CTjRRmRrGoCZR-YdBO6-jzrF4Ucm6egFKeVowLB8XxXqizX3AMZ0cI_iydc/s320/la+split.jpg" /></a><br />
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By L.A. PARKER<br />
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OK, this is it, a clash of the titanics, I mean titans, involving me, L.A. “The Truth” Parker and Jeff “Kid” Edelstein.<br />
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The guy in the other corner could not come up with a good enough handle, so, for now, it’s “Kid” but hopefully that will change by next week.<br />
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Furthermore, I agreed to this weekly showdown hoping that my esteemed opponent might exchange ideas about serious topics, stuff like Gov. Christie’s weight, President Obama’s immigration plan, should the government pay individuals to be fixed before they bring more kids into the world that they will not care for? And so on.<br />
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This week, in a first-round meeting, Edelstein and I get to discuss cell phone use in public places. <br />
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Yeah, I know, you wanted Rocky Balboa vs. Apollo Creed but you’re getting a lightweight showdown of Barney Fife vs. Steve Quincy Urkel.<br />
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I hated cell phone use in public until my company forced one into my hand about 18 months ago. I love it. <br />
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Individuals should be able to use their cell phones everywhere except for libraries, churches, and while driving an automobile.<br />
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Other than that, be my guest. <br />
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It’s OK with me if cell phone users want to let the listening public in on their private lives.<br />
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I recall this one time in line at a local supermarket where this guy was obviously enjoying phone sex while waiting to check out his groceries. Both men and women looked irritated for a minute but he had our attention.<br />
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Some women left the Express checkout and moved into a lane closer to the guy. Several men stepped away from Self-Checkout to stand behind the phone sexing man.<br />
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His conversation grew louder and hotter as ice cream containers melted. (There’s a future topic, Does hot sex contribute to climate change?)<br />
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Finally, a man screamed. “Hey buddy, can you at least put your call on speaker phone so we can hear what the lady’s saying?”<br />
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Seriously, though, as long as the conversations are short and PG-13 rated then I don’t care. Of course, I don’t want to hear about “What color is the puss oozing out of an open sore?” Or “Did you poop in the potty? Good boy. (Then find out the person’s talking to their pet Shih Tzu).<br />
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I do recall another time, overhearing this chubby guy — not Gov. Christie nor Santa — whispering that “Uncle Remus is gonna stop by and visit us, so I wanted to tell you about it.”<br />
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One thing about cell phones? You never know who’s listening.<br />
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I think this is where I do the Urkel Dance or Ali Shuffle.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2677183721309527173.post-2388387949513271312013-02-20T10:41:00.001-08:002013-02-20T10:41:19.213-08:00Edelstein likes his phone, but not yours<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s1600/jeff+split.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaJkSDxnV0Nm6h3qAjGECKdhA_-rfqULgaYgBu9gNUHEzhah8WODduztamTVd3U49uqmANTLOROg2QTP7gulRDBnfSmrTJJyKmaJyHhnn8Te3kAOckm1lhExwPZfiFg6RcM1tXYvF13w/s320/jeff+split.jpg" /></a><br />
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By JEFF EDELSTEIN<br />
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I’m not entirely sure what I used to do when I waited in a line.<br />
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There I’d be, at Target, buying the essentials — underwear, milk, baseball cards — and I’d just ... wait in line. <br />
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When it was time to move up in line, I’d take a step forward. I was probably drooling while this was going on.<br />
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But today? I don’t mind lines. I’ll sometimes find the longest line out there, at Target, or Wal-Mart, or anywhere. Give me your worst, Motor Vehicle Commission — I can handle it.<br />
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Why don’t I care about lines? Because while I may not be happy to see you, yes, as a matter of fact, that is the entire output of human knowledge in my pocket. <br />
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In short, when I’m on line, I’m online. From Facebook to Twitter to eBay to breaking news to whatever, I’m scrolling through the web while waiting to pay for my broccoli and Breathe Right strips. <br />
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So in this respect, I couldn’t be happier.<br />
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But, when you’re on your cell phone in line — and yeah, I’m talking to you — and therefore barely paying attention to when it’s your turn to move up in the queue, well, then I’m not so happy. <br />
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And if I ever pull into a gas station and have to wait .2 seconds longer than I would normally have to because the attendant is too busy playing Angry Birds, well, then this bird gets angry. <br />
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(Extending the bird metaphor, so hold on …) <br />
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What’s good for the goose is not, in fact, good for the gander. I cannot stand when I’m inconvenienced by someone’s cell phone use.<br />
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Hypocritical? Of course. <br />
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But at least I realize I’m as guilty of it as everyone else, and so I’m sure while I’m busy @messaging Steve Martin in hopes for a retweet, there’s someone behind me who is silently plotting my demise.<br />
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The obvious fix? We all just keep our phones in our pocket. Except for me. I need it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11626595131869686760noreply@blogger.com0